A hiker’s take on overcoming fear
Where do fears come from
Let us start with the pinnacle of evolution. The conscious mind. The duty of this piece of brain is to give us predictions. As you can predict, predictions are never correct. Now, every cell, organ and function of our body is in a never-ending pursuit of adapting to its everchanging surroundings. Similarly, the mind’s duty is to produce predictions and be proven wrong to some degree, and hopefully make better predictions. So there goes perfection out of the window. This is basically a feedback mechanism as shown below.
Now, some predictions are beautiful. These are exhilarating, these give us optimism and keep us moving forward. Some are dreadful. And, some predictions are conditionally palatable. For example, an exhilarating prediction is the certainty of a paycheck that is supposed to arrive on your pay day. While a terminally ill patient may sometimes generate dreadful predictions of impending death. Everything in between are conditional predictions. Example, if I exercise today, then I will have a sexy summer body!
Optimistic conditional predictions are tricky. On the surface, they are optimistic. But, with or without conscious knowledge, we also tell ourselves, if I do not exercise today, my dream of a summer body is doomed. While this is a sensible prediction, I can always start one day later and my summer body’s sexiness will only diminish infinitesimally. The point is not to encourage procrastination but to highlight that every prediction is flawed to some extent.
So, unless you are an evolutionary miracle where your predictor unconditionally predicts a glorious future, behind almost every prediction there is potential for fear of losing the desired outcome lurking. Fear exists as long as desire exists. Given fears come from predictions, every fear is flawed to some extent too.
The landscape of the mind
To understand the not-so-tangible concepts of fear, desire and predictions better, let us start with a very tangible landscape. Imagine your desire is to summit a mountain. Your prediction is to follow the red path shown. And, you are in the flat land marked by the green star — the comfort zone.
No comfort zone is infinite, it is a small strip of land where you can relax for a while but soon enough it gets boring to hang out there. The itch to keep moving is natural. Thus, boredom can be a powerful motivator to either conquer a mountain and find out what’s beyond it or to keep digging hole under yourself and try to come out of it — self sabotage.
When seen from this perspective, fear could stem from inertia (aka laziness) or inability (aka incompetence) or a combination of both. Unlike mountains though, sometimes, fears tend to keep growing in their apparent height when we let them linger unchecked. This is akin to how a thought, when repeated, turns into a belief.
Overcoming fear — In the short term
Fears due to inertia — These are fears where you predict you can get to the summit. But inertia stops you from trying. Here, you want to get to the summit, but you are also not yet done with the comfort zone. Nothing wrong staying here as long as you sure are not digging a toxic hole of self sabotaging. How to get out of this? Well, confidence comes after you start, not before. Friction is less for an object in motion than an object at rest. Start with a tiny wiggle and use the momentum to keep moving and see for yourself how quickly you are pacing towards that damn summit.
Fears due to incompetence — Humans are good at climbing mountains. But not every human is born with an ability to climb Mt. Everest. An example of a fear which might be well above your competence — recurring childhood traumas, slippery slope panic attacks etc. These are entrenched fears and can be hard to overcome, managing expectations is key in this case. Put a pin to this fear. Pick a smaller fear just outside your competence zone, practice there for a while, improve your skills. Then come back to this again.
Fears due to insecurity — Most fears lie here. These are fears with a dash of inertia and a dash of incompetence. In this case, your predictor says it is really hard to overcome this fear. That is a pessimistic way of saying, if you tried, you have a shot at the summit. It is also worth remembering that all predictions are flawed to some degree. No mountain beyond the comfort zone is a guaranteed success. We may have to turn around due to bad weather, a torn ankle, malfunctioning equipment etc. The only way to learn is to make an attempt by starting now.
It would be irresponsible to claim this is an exhaustive list of fears or the solutions work all the time. But, it is the most practical approach I know. And sometimes, despite starting the journey, doubt may creep in at each step. At each step, the mind might create new fear — “Will I make it?”, “I don’t think I deserve it” and the list goes on. As long as you can step an inch forward, it is a proof against your predictions. In all these cases, the punchline is clear. Fears exist to to be challenged. It helps us discover and then rediscover our limits. Fear is healthy.
How to train to conquer fears — Long run
Some healthy mindsets can be cultivated in the long run to train ourselves not to succumb to fears easily. The first step is to abolishing the notion that happiness lies in the summit. Happiness is about falling in love with the process of taking steps in the face of fear and uncertainty. It is natural and common to slip into the rut of comfort zone and lose all hope of ever fulfilling your potential. In those moments, recollecting the thrill in shoving a glaring middle finger into your fears is a powerful motivator to act that moment.
Instead of shuddering and shutting down under fear, an alternate response is to make friends with your fears. Take a deep breath, smile and observe the fear keenly eye-to-eye, wonder what it is trying to teach you. Fears, when caught early are easier to learn from. This can be done by observing your bodily signs of fear response. Some of these bodily signs include clenched fists, muscle tensions, facial tensions like clenched jaw, racing heart, etc. Practicing to observe these signs and becoming alert immediately is a form of meditation.
In addition to the mindset, the training regime is not-so-surprisingly similar to what’s needed to conquer literal mountains. Good food, exercise, tons of practice and a healthy dose of pondering about the pointlessness of this all. And maybe one day you can conquer the Mt. Everest of a fear in your mind.
Spiritual practices are also an avenue to embrace fear. All fears are derived from one true fear — the fear of dying. Spiritual practices teach us to seek comfort in this ultimate fate for every one of us spending a brief blip in time on this beautiful rock.
What is beyond Mt. Everest?
Summiting a peak, even the highest peak only provides gratification which lasts for a short time. The mind immediately asks “What next?” At this point it is helpful to take a step back and recollect why we climb mountains. It is not entirely for the summit. A majority of the fun is in the journey.
Once you surpass the biggest fear you can imagine, the immediate next fear is the fear if you can repeat the feat on a different day. This is your mind’s predictor learning statistics. A sample size of 1 is not enough for a predictor to be certain. Hence the inevitable fear saga continues.
